Rainer is a Year Old!

This video is so special to us. Music was created by Charlie and the video was made by me. We hope that Rainer will treasure it once he’s older.

I have so many emotions. Rainer’s first birthday was over a week ago now and I am still having moments of shock and rushes of mixed emotions. It is one of those things where it feels like a lifetime, yet a complete blur.

I wanted to share a journal entry I wrote 2/10/20:

“It is a week before Rainer turns one. I feel so… everything. I am almost done with a montage-style video of the year and I can’t help but watch it over and over again. That is my BABY! I feel like I’ve waited for this part of my life since the beginning, and it already feels like it’s almost over. He’s already not going to be a baby anymore. I just can’t believe it. He has been full-on walking for around a month now and is practically running. His personality is the same and only growing.

I feel like this whole experience has changed me for the better. I feel so much better about life, myself mentally, and opportunities for the future. I’m so glad that being a mom exceeded my dreams and any expectations. There were some self doubts in the beginning, and it’s SO much harder than I could have anticipated, but I am really learning the balance in all things. Rainer is truly such a miracle and blast to spend my every day with. I feel so damn lucky to be his mom as well as Charlie’s wife.

We have been talking about having a second child within the next few years. I can already picture myself in the future looking back on this… knowing so much more than I know now. I’m hoping that it’s something along the lines of not needing to worry so much, and that I will still get some quality time with my two boys in my life that I have now. That I will love any other child as much and my capacity for love will grow to an almost impossible amount like it has this year. I hope to never lose or forget how I feel right now. I hope the years don’t keep going faster and I lose track of time while looking forward. I want to soak each memory, look, sound, and smell. This is what my life is about. Loving my family to the absolute fullest. Nothing could make me happier. I love them with every cell in my body, every feeling in my soul.”

I’m sappy and I know it.

Leave a Reply