This video is so special to us. Music was created by Charlie and the video was made by me. We hope that Rainer will treasure it once he’s older.
I have so many emotions. Rainer’s first birthday was over a week ago now and I am still having moments of shock and rushes of mixed emotions. It is one of those things where it feels like a lifetime, yet a complete blur.
I wanted to share a journal entry I wrote 2/10/20:
“It is a week before Rainer turns one. I feel so… everything. I am almost done with a montage-style video of the year and I can’t help but watch it over and over again. That is my BABY! I feel like I’ve waited for this part of my life since the beginning, and it already feels like it’s almost over. He’s already not going to be a baby anymore. I just can’t believe it. He has been full-on walking for around a month now and is practically running. His personality is the same and only growing.
I feel like this whole experience has changed me for the better. I feel so much better about life, myself mentally, and opportunities for the future. I’m so glad that being a mom exceeded my dreams and any expectations. There were some self doubts in the beginning, and it’s SO much harder than I could have anticipated, but I am really learning the balance in all things. Rainer is truly such a miracle and blast to spend my every day with. I feel so damn lucky to be his mom as well as Charlie’s wife.
We have been talking about having a second child within the next few years. I can already picture myself in the future looking back on this… knowing so much more than I know now. I’m hoping that it’s something along the lines of not needing to worry so much, and that I will still get some quality time with my two boys in my life that I have now. That I will love any other child as much and my capacity for love will grow to an almost impossible amount like it has this year. I hope to never lose or forget how I feel right now. I hope the years don’t keep going faster and I lose track of time while looking forward. I want to soak each memory, look, sound, and smell. This is what my life is about. Loving my family to the absolute fullest. Nothing could make me happier. I love them with every cell in my body, every feeling in my soul.”
I’m sappy and I know it.