We all constantly have an internal dialogue going on in our minds, otherwise known as our thoughts. The reason I prefer the term “internal dialogue” is because I think it better describes the control we have over this voice. It’s hard to imagine that our identity is not our thoughts alone. How can we manage something that is so influenced by our subconscious? Like anything you work towards, I believe it takes time and practice.
None of us seem to believe that we want to live in a negative state. But have you ever asked yourself why your mind always goes to a certain line of thinking? Why do I keep comparing myself to this person? How come I go from 0-100 immediately after being cut off by a stranger in traffic? Why does this person’s behavior eat at my core? I would say over 90% of the time, the answer is always within yourself, not anyone or anything else. So why is that we live our lives continually blaming other people, experiences, and circumstances? Well… BECAUSE IT’S EASIER.
Looking at yourself and coming to the truth of your problems means overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment, regret, grief, responsibility… the list goes on. None of us want to put ourselves in that place. Not only that, but we have become so lazy as humans in this world of ultimate convenience. We simply don’t want to take the time and inevitable work it takes to become the person we wish to be. So we come up with endless excuses to our flaws and continue en route to a life of misery, full of negative energy and self pity.
Self help is not for the faint of heart. There is no end result and it never gets easy. However, there is freedom in knowing that you can change the things that you hate about the world by fixing them in yourself. There’s also a sense of control by finally letting go of the things you can’t and working on the major ones you can.
These two tips are my absolute favorite and most effective tools I have found in my personal journey of self improvement. It is not the end-all-be-all, and it only works if you use it objectively in moments you find yourself going to a bad place (the hardest time to do so!)
Ask yourself… What are the FACTS?
For example…
- Feelings are not facts, I am actually upset because…
- I feel rejected, defensive, jealous, etc.
- This reminds me of things I do not like about myself, my past, etc.
- My life is actually great and full of things to be thankful for
- This will not be important to me in the future
- This person is projecting their own problems onto me and I cannot control that
- I feel stressed because I have no control over the situation, I should focus on the things I can do to make this better
Is the energy I’m going to use towards this anger and/or negativity going to help me, help my loved ones, or help my goals?
If the answer is no to all three of these questions – do not waste your precious energy on it and put it into the things that will help you, your loved ones, and your life goals! Simple as that! Be productive in the people and things that actually matter to your life, we only have one and it is a gift!